


If You Wanna Be My Lover

by downwivluv



Series: Come Ride With Me [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Friendship, New York City
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-12-08 21:41:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11655279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/downwivluv/pseuds/downwivluv
Summary: With a relationship Puck understand that friends kinda come as a package deal with the person. He just didn't know what to expect with his girl's bff being her ex's sister or for her to be so scary. So if he wants to be Rachel's lover...





	If You Wanna Be My Lover

**Author's Note:**

> Origionally posted on FanFiction.net back in 2012.
> 
> This was intended as a quick one shot. As you can see it kind of escalated and spiralled out of control pretty quickly (it’s longer than the original). I wrote this without a beta and at like 5am, like I do all my work, so forgive any mistakes. There maybe things in here that may offend people, I’m not sure, but you’ve been warned.
> 
> Enjoy :D

Puck knows that Rachel’s had a tough time in high school, and he hasn’t made it any easier on her. Throwing slushies in people’s faces doesn’t exactly sky rocket them up the social ladder. But now that they are back from Nationals and Puck finally getting the girl for once, he decides to really make an effort. 

Despite the popular belief at McKinley Rachel Berry does have friends, while she may have only recently become bff’s with Kurt and in addition Blaine, and sometimes Mercedes and Sam, Rachel actually has friends outside of school. The ever elusive Jamie St. James is a prime example of this.

Rachel has told him countless stories about her and Jamie and their adventures, and Puck thinks that Jamie sounds kinda kick ass. He thinks that if Jamie had rocked up sophomore year that New Directions would have been way more fun than it was with douche-face. But at the time Jamie was like 13 and in a rehab facility in Bali for an eating disorder.

xXx

The first time he meets Jamie she is not what he expected and everything he imagined at the same time. 

He’s sitting on the kitchen counter watching Rachel flitter around her kitchen preparing a wide variety of healthy snacks for her and Jamie’s sleep over. Puck tries to steal some watermelon for the insanely large fruit salad that seems to contain about 80% of the produce section (he has no idea how someone so tiny will be able eat half of it), when Rachel’s ninja like reflexes kick in and bats his hand away with a wooden spoon that she seemed to have produced out of thin air. 

“OW!” He cries out rubbing the tender spot on the back of his hand where the spoon made contact.

“No stealing food! It’s not for you. And no touching the food with your dirty hands Noah Puckerman, at least wash them first or get a fork out of the draw. Don’t give me that pouty look; I know what you do with your hands!” Rachel berates him, hands on hips, spoon in hand and a look on her face that she clearly learnt from his mother. Good god he’s dating his mother.

“It’s just one teeny, tiny piece babe. And my hands are clean! I washed them before I came.” He wines, continuing to pout. Rachel just sighs at his antics, caving in by scooping out a piece of watermelon from the bowl. Puck grins with delight at his victory, munching away happily. 

“Hey maybe I could stick around and hang tonight.” Puck says still chewing the last remnants of the watermelon. Rachel gives him an amused look.

“First, don’t talk with your mouth full-”

“One tiny ass bit of melon isn’t-”

“Secondly,” Rachel continued as if Puck had never interrupted. “I don’t think you would have much fun. We’ll probably sit around and watch Meg Ryan and Katherine Heigl movies, maybe have Mani Pedis-”

“I like Thai food.” Puck interrupts, angling for a blueberry this time to pinch.

“What?” Rachel says, confusion written all over her face as she slaps his hand away from the food again. “Wait, Mani Pedi isn’t- you know what never mind. Not important. I just don’t think girls night is your thing.”

“But I wanna spend time with my best girl Goose, and I wanna meet St. Jerk-off’s sister.” He says pulling Rachel into his chest and wrapping his arms around her tiny frame. 

“You just want to snoop about don’t you?” Rachel says with a sly smile, she knows him too well.

“Snoop? I don’t snoop Princess; badasses gather Intel, like spies.” He presses a light kiss to the crown of her head as the doorbell rings.

“Well I guess you get you wish, you’re about to meet Jamie.” She says over her shoulder as she sashays over to the front door. Puck realises that feeling creeping up on him, well that feeling is fear. But only a little, coz he’s a badass mother fucker.

xXx

Of all her idiot brother’s girlfriends Jamie liked Rachel the best. Rachel actually took the time to talk to her and spend time with her away from Jesse. Rachel emailed her during her time in Bali at yet another rehab facility. She even stayed in contact with her after Jesse made the biggest mistake of his life by unceremoniously dumping Rachel. 

If those idiots at McKinley couldn’t see how awesome Rachel was then she was happy to have the monopoly on her friendship. 

So when Rachel called her up on the trip home from their disastrous Nationals performance, where Finn was “accidently” kneed in the groin when he attempted to kiss Rachel on stage and Jesse received a black from Puck for trying to woo Rachel back, Jamie’s interest is peeked. They way Rachel’s voice gets all soft and giggly Jamie just knows there is more to that story. With some not so gentle prodding Rachel finally blurts out about their entire road trip and how she got to ride shot gun because the others didn’t want her to ride with them, Jamie can’t help but roll her eyes at this, she is way to loyal to her glee club when they really don’t deserve it. Jamie sits patiently as she listens to Rachel gush about Noah, sweet Noah, who apparently can slay dragons and invented romance and love. Through all the romantic dribble and declarations of everlasting love Jamie decides she needs to meet Noah Puckerman, it’s her right as Rachel’s best, best friend.

xXx

Squealing, that’s the first thing Puck hears. Why do girls always insist on squealing? Is it some sort of secret girl language?

“Crap Rach, I think every dog in a 5 mile radius can hear you.” Puck hollers shovelling some baby carrots into his mouth before Rachel comes back.

“Is that him?” Puck hears an unfamiliar voice whisper. More giggling, something tells Puck that this is going to be a giggly night.

“Yeah, do you want to meet him?” More giggling yet again, he begins to suspect that there are less sexy lingerie pillow fights and more giggling and gossip. 

“Hey Goose, you got any more of these tiny ass carrots? Or like regular size carrots, I’m a growing boy ya know.” Puck shouts out popping some blueberries in his mouth next.

“So help me Noah Puckerman you better not be eating all of my snacks!” Rachel practically screeches; the sound of heels clipping quickly across the floor grows louder, followed by the sound of another pair of heels going at a much more leisurely pace. Rachel appears in the kitchen in a flash, her hawk like eyes scanning over the spread of food. Puck’s back is to the door when he hears her voice.

“So this is the famous Noah Puckerman?” Puck turns around to see Jamie leaning casually against the kitchen doorframe. He can defiantly see the St. James family resemblance, fair complexion, loose curly brown hair, sharp blue eyes and buckets of self confidence. 

“Andf ooou muff be tha assth-farces smister.” Puck retorted with his mouth full of snacks. Jamie just gives him an amused look while Rachel gasps at him in horror.

“Manners Noah Puckerman!” Rachel cried slapping Puck on the arm making him wince.

“OW! What the eff baby? Spare me the fists of fury!” He cried rubbing his arm. He can see Jamie out of the corner of his eye biting his lip, trying not to laugh. 

“Oh grow up you big baby! That was barely a tap; you know how much my punches hurt.” She says with a pointed look. At this Jamie can’t hold her laughter in any more. Her laugh isn’t vicious or mocking like Jesse’s was, it’s friendly and light. Friendly is not something he would have ever associated with the name St. James.

“You two are totes adorable.” Jamie says stalking over to the bench and taking a baby carrot. Rachel’s face softens at Jamie’s words as she moves in closer to Puck snuggling into his side and the two shares an adoring look.

“We’re just a couple of good looking Jews, right Noah?” Rachel says coming over all giggly.

“Right babe, badass too.” Puck replies with this soft, gooey, very un-Puck like voice.

“Don’t overdo the cute there; all this saccharine is going to make me spew.” Jamie butts in munching away on her carrot, a slight crinkle of the nose marring her face but a light smile still gracing her lips. 

“Hey why don’t you and Noah talk, get to know one another, while I finish making up the spare bedroom.” Rachel says with her trademark bright smile.

“I would just love to spend more time with dear Noah.” Jamie says in a tone that Puck does not like one little bit.

“It’s Puck.” He interjects in vain; no one is paying attention to him.

“Great!” Rachel bounds out the door leaving Puck all alone with Jamie. That fear Puck felt before comes back with a vengeance as Jamie’s eyes slide over to meet his. Puck can see that same cunning that Jesse possessed there in Jamie.

“I’m just going to cut to the chase Puck.” Jamie says turning to face him, casually leaning against the kitchen counter top.

“You hurt her and I will hurt you. I like you, I do, and you make Rae happy. But I am not above ripping your balls from your body and wearing them as a necklace.” Ok this was not what Puck was expecting at all. Jamie reaches into her bag and pulls out an iPad, she walks across the kitchen to stand next to Puck. She opens up a video for him.

“This is a video from Jesse’s birthday, it wasn’t long after Regionals.” Jamie explains as Puck watches the video play out. He sees various member of the St. James family, a prim and proper older woman who looks like a Julie Andrews clone sitting next to a man around the same age who must be her husband, he figures they must be their grandparents. A woman who just had to be their mother, dressed as if she was desperately clinging on to her fading youth, drink in hand talking to man who he assumed was her brother, possibly the uncle Jesse lived with while he attended McKinley, they both had the brown curly hair Jesse, Jamie and he assumed the other brother all had. He sees Jesse standing next to his father who was apparently some sort Bruce Willis/Jason Statham fan judging by his appearance. Then Jamie comes into shot, carrying one of those fancy cake holder things with the three layers that his Nana Connie always brings out when they visit.

“Wait, whose filming this if you’re bringing in food? And why are we watching this?” Puck asks puzzled and frustrated. Jamie mutes the video but lets it keep playing.

“Jude was filming, and there is a purpose Puck.” Jamie says eyes still on the iPad screen, a small smirk upon her lips.

“I don’t get why I’m watching WASP’s eat cake.” Jamie stays silent, on the video the family are lighting the candles placed in the cup cakes on the cake stand. Pucks just going to assume that they’re all singing ‘Happy Birthday’, probably all in perfect pitch and harmony and other musical thing like what Rachel is always going on about. 

“I baked all those cup cakes.” Jamie says suddenly breaking the silence.

“Well that’s kinda ironic.” Puck mutters under his breath, clearly not quietly enough judging by the dirty look Jamie sends him.

“I made everyone’s favourite, red velvet for my uncle, lemon for grandmamma; I even laced Jude’s raspberry and white chocolate with pot for him.” Jamie lets out a wistful little sigh while Puck can’t help but raise an eyebrow at her. 

“Jesse’s favourite is a dark chocolate cup cake with a salted caramel ganache. I made is especially for him, I also laced his cup cake with something special.” She says with a glint in her eye that brings back that nervous feeling in Puck’s gut again.

“So you put some Mary Jane in St. Sucks cake too? Big deal, I laced all the Glee club’s bake sale cup cakes with pot once too.” Puck’s really not getting where this conversation is going at all, this girl is kind of nuts.

“It wasn’t marijuana Puckerman. I pumped his full of laxatives, then I glued all the toilet seats down and filmed it all.” Jamie says in a cool, calm and collected voice. All Puck can think is, WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK. Seriously, that has to be the single most disturbing thing he has ever heard. He can see on the screen Jesse greedily shove the entire cup cake in his mouth. 

“If that’s what I’m willing to do to my own flesh and blood imagine what I could do to you if you hurt Rachel. I will neither confirm nor deny the existence of the Irish mafia or my families “supposed” connection with them but all I’m saying is... be careful... I know... things...” With that Jamie takes her iPad and walks out of the kitchen. Puck would deny this if anyone ever asked but at that very moment he almost shat himself like Jesse probably did. 

xXx

He doesn’t see Jamie again for a while after the sleep over, not that he was avoiding her or anything, Noah Puckerman isn’t a chicken. He hears from Rachel that Jesse took over Vocal Adrenaline and has been trying to convince Jamie to join as lead, much to her disgust. When Puck asks what happened to Sunshine and Goolsby Rachel just shrugs and says no one has heard from them since Nationals, it’s like they vanished into thin air. Puck tries his hardest not to think of the Irish mafia. They have bigger things to worry about besides VA’s new lead and coach, like The Warbler’s and them blinding Blaine.

He and Rachel are at the Lima Bean, Puck’s going to treat his girl to some tea with honey and one of those vegan cinnamon swirl’s she love’s so much. She’s been pretty stressed out lately, Rachel’s a worrier and this incident with Blaine has hit her pretty hard. What he doesn’t expect to see is Jamie sitting, sipping her drink and laughing with him. Puck’s instantly filled with rage, after all that bullshit Jamie gave him about hurting Rachel she has the nerve to show up on their turf with that asshole. Puck snatches up his and Rachel’s drinks and stalks over to their table Rachel following behind. 

“Where are you going Noah? What has got you- Oh look its Jamie!” Rachel babbles as she follows close behind.

“St. James, oh lookie here it’s weasel dick. No slushy today jackass?” Puck practically growls out, he sees Sebastian Smyth stiffen while Jamie watches on confused. Rachel places a gentile hand on his elbow.

“Stay calm Noah, you don’t want to end up in juvie again.” Rachel says in a soft, calm voice.

“I’m tryin’ babe. I’m really fuckin’ tryin’.” Puck says through gritted teeth. Rachel takes the hot beverages from his hands as she sees him begin to squeeze.

“How do you know Sebastian Jamie?” Rachel says placing his coffee on the table and taking a sip of her tea.

“He’s my cousin.” Jamie says, clearly still very confused. “How do you know him?”

“He’s a Warbler.” Puck growls again, his steely gaze never leaving Sebastian, who at this point is badly faking at playing it cool.

“That really doesn’t explain much.” Jamie dead pans. Rachel decides to explain.

“A couple of New Directions used to attend Dalton, Kurt Hummel-“ At the mention of Kurt Sebastian scoffs and Puck growls again. “And Blaine Anderson, you’re very fond of Blaine aren’t you Sebastian.” Rachel snarks at him, the colour drains form the Warbler’s face.

“How do you know Rachel?” Sebastian asks trying to gain his composure once again.

“She’s Jesse’s Rachel.” Jamie replies simply. “I’m not really sure what’s going on here. Why is Puck growing like my Doberman Mitzy?”

“Wait, young Barbara is Jesse’s Rachel?” Sebastian says shocked placing his coffee down on the table.

“Ya know I shouldn’t be surprised that the Meerkat is related to the Jackass.” Puck says lowly.

“Yes the League of Show Choir Supervillains meets every Thursday at 4pm. Member consist of Jesse, Sebastian and cousin Harmony.” Jamie replies sarcastically rolling her eyes. Puck could swear that he hears Rachel whisper ‘Gerber Baby’ under her breath at the mention of Harmony, that’s something he going to have to ask about later.

“I still can’t believe she’s Jesse’s Rachel.” Sebastian mutters to himself.

“Shut up Crabby Patty! And pray tell me Rae why we happen to be mad at Seb?” Jamie asks seamlessly going from snappy to sweet in seconds.

“He almost blinded Blaine with a Slushy!” Rachel exclaims sending her most ferocious look Sebastian’s way. 

“He put something in it and now Blaine needs an operation.” Puck leans his full body into Sebastian’s personal space in an attempt to intimidate him, judging from the fine sheen of sweat building up on Sebastian’s forehead it was working.

“You did what?!?” Jamie say furious. She slams her coffee cup down on the table, uncrosses her legs and leans forward; the look on her face would make any man’s balls shrivel up. Sebastian now has Puck, Rachel and Jamie all now in his personal space.

“Oh look I’m out of coffee! I’m just going to go get more.” Sebastian says with a note of hysteria creeping into his voice. He jumps of his chair and scampers over to the barista. 

Jamie snatches up her cup again, throwing herself against the chair and casually draping her arm over the back of the chair, a murderous look still on her face. 

“Chicken shit.” Puck mumbles under his breath. 

“I can’t believe he ran away!” Rachel exclaims.

“I can.” Jamie retorts and at that Puck snorts.

“He always seemed so cocky and self-assured when we’ve meet before. He even bragged about hooking up an older guy at some seedy nightclub! Where’s that guy?” Rachel rants, waving her arms about trying to emphasise her point.

“Ok I’m going to tell you about the nightclub guy. I visited Seb in Paris and he used to follow all the older guys around the clubs we would sneak into. They all thought it was cute or funny how would try and hit on them; he got the nick-name ‘Jail Bait’. When he found out about it he cried in his room for three days. He talks the talk but he crawls the walk.” She takes a sip of her coffee watching Rachel and Puck taking in all this new information.

“Also he has a half sister and brother, names Arial and Eric. You work that one out.” Jamie says swirling her finger in front of Rachel’s face before standing up and strolling out of the Lima Bean as if she owned the place.

xXx

Rachel is sitting in her bedroom that now currently resembles a boutique dress shop as Jamie shows her all the different dresses she brought for Rachel to try on. 

“You really didn’t need to bring over so many dresses for me. It’s only Prom.” Rachel says, her fingers gently brushing over the pink taffeta of one gown.

“It’s your SENIOR Prom. It’s the last Prom you will ever go to! It has to be perfect, Jesse fucked-”

“JAMIE!”

“Sorry. Jesse screwed up your last one. So I’m going to provide the perfect dress, perfect dress perfect Prom.” Jamie says with a bright smile holding up something red and seemingly made of tulle. Rachel shakes her head at the offering and with that the dress is discarded.

“It wasn’t just Jesse though, Finn started the fight.” Rachel half heartedly defends Jesse as she dumps a sunshine yellow shift dress into the no pile.

“Then Fabray slapped you in the face for it. I remember should have kneed her in the balls too.”

“Jamie!!! You know Quinn doesn’t have... you know...” Rachel squeaks going slightly red.

“Oh relax Rae, she called you ‘Man-hands’ for years, I’ll imply she has male genitalia. Any way speaking of balls and Finn, will he ever be able to father children?” A smirking Jamie inquires holding out and aqua dress covered in sparkles

“First the dress, no it’s not very me. And second, I didn’t hit him THAT hard. I was told it was tender for a few days and there was some slight bruising apparently.” Rachel says sheepishly as dumps a royal blue dress on the floor.

“It did look spectacular in that video. The way he hits the floor and that thud he makes, then you pull him up by the ear so he can do the next number, brilliant!”

“You know I got asked to go on ‘Today’ because that video went viral.” She drops the comment so casually that Jamie almost missed it.

“Are you serious? How come you didn’t go on? It would have been so cool!”

“It might have been but I didn’t want that one incident sticking around longer then it had too and also, Matt Lauer is a jerk.”

“I guess I can see your point, but still it would have been cool!” Jamie giggles holding out a black strapless gown for Rachel to try on.

“How come you have so many evening dresses?” Rachel quires as she steps into the dress.

“You know why.” Jamie mutters darkly.

“Yes I know but why do you have so many? I mean you usually only have three of four but this time you have about a hundred.” Rachel does a small twirl for Jamie and then proceeds to check herself out in the full length mirror.

“Mother has decided it time for me to go for the big one.”

“You mean...”

“Yes, in a couple of weeks I will be competing for the title of Miss Ohio Teen and then next year if I win, Miss Teen USA. Take that dress off, we can do better.” Jamie says holding out her hand and making a grabby motion.

“You don’t sound very excited about it. Don’t you want to compete?” Rachel says hand the black dress back over to Jamie and taking a pale pink fish tale gown from her.

“It her dream, not mine. I don’t think she ever really got over the second runner up place she got when she competed for Miss USA.” Jamie lets out a sad sigh. Rachel strikes a pose in her dress.

“Well what do you think?”

“I think your ass looks amazing, Puckerman is not going to know what to do with himself. This is the one.”

“Are you sure it’s ok if I borrow this dress?” Rachel asks biting her lip.

“You can keep it. It’s too pale for me, I look all washed out. Besides I don’t want you to worry about getting all the cum stains off when Puck explodes all over it at the site of how hot you look.” Jamie smirks at Rachel.

“Ew Jamie! Don’t be so vulgar!” Rachel screeches throwing a cushion at Jamie’s head.

xXx

“Your ass looks out of this fuckin’ world Goose! Almost came in my pants.” Puck mutters in her ear as the two slow dances together. Rachel can’t help but let out a pearl of laughter. 

“What did I say that was so fuckin’ funny?”

“It’s nothing Noah.”

xXx

“What’s your favourite animal?” The host, who happens to be all teeth and hair wrapped up in a red sparkly dress asks.

“Oh no...” Rachel says under her breath, the popcorn she had just taken from the bowl paused at her lips. She and Puck are sitting in front of her laptop watching live streaming of The Miss Teen Ohio pageant in Rachel’s bedroom. Puck grabs a handful of popcorn.

“What’s ‘oh no’?” Puck shovels the salty snack in his mouth.

“Are you serious? That’s my question? You could ask me anything at all and you ask me about what cute and fuzzy animal warms my insides? You could ask me about politics, gay marriage, gun control, cyber bullying, ANYTHING at all and that’s what you think would get a well rounded view of me?” Jamie rants going slightly red in the face. The poor host shifts uncomfortably.

“Yes?” She replies weakly.

“Alpacas. I like alpacas, they’re super cute, plus you can use their fleece, it makes wonderful silky wool. Or otters, they’re pretty cute too.” Jamie says rather disgruntled shoving the microphone back at the host.

“Did she really just do that?” Puck munches away. Rachel watches on horrified as Jamie takes her place back in line with the other girls as the poor host tries to recover. 

“She won’t win after that. She has killed any chance she had with that answer!” Puck turns and looks at Rachel after her outburst. 

“I didn’t know you were so invested in the pageant scene babe?”

“I’m invested in Jamie Noah.” They sit quietly watching as the remaining perfectly polished girls comes forward to answer their question.

“Do you want to watch the end of this?” Puck asks taking some more pop corn.

“Of course I do!” The petite girl cries with much gusto.

“Ok then...” Puck concedes leaning back against the thousands of pillows that Rachel has on the bed. Silence falls over them as the pageant continues to play out. Girls parade around the stage in glittering gowns and enormous, shiny hair.

“How do they get their hair so big? Why is their hair so big?” Puck quires, Jamie’s face flashes across the screen, a giant toothy grin plastered across her face but the smile never quite reaches her eyes. 

“You’ll have to ask Jamie that.” Rachel leans back against Pucks chest, resting her head on his shoulder. 

“I don’t get this shit. What is with chicks and crowns? Quinn went freaking loco at prom, and sticking a bunch of chicks, just like her, in the same room has’ta be a fucking nightmare.”

“Shhhh, they’re about to announce the winner!” Rachel smacks the back of her hand into Puck’s chest. He winces slightly, rubbing the sore area.

“Fourth runner-up for the title of Miss Ohio Teen USA is... Nadine Blake, Alger Ohio.” The host announced.

“I for sure thought that St. Crazy was gonna place fourth.” Puck says stunned.

“Fifth sweetie.”

“Four lovely young ladies left in the running, the third runner-up for the title of Miss Ohio Teen USA is... Casey Moore, South Central Ohio.”

“Seriously?” Puck splutters

“I know, with her attitude I thought she would be out by now.”

“Let’s keep going shall we? The second runner-up to the title of Miss Ohio Teen USA-“

“Do they need to say that every time?”

“Shhhhhh!!!!!!”  
“...is Amber Garcia of Amherst.”

“HOLY CRAP!”

“OH MY GOD... SHE COULD WIN THIS!” Rachel yells sitting up.

“Now we have just two very special ladies left on stage! It’s time for the title, the crown and the chance to become the next Miss Teen USA.” The overly cheerful host announces. 

Jamie joins hands with the other girl left and they turn to face each other. Miss Springfield Teen is so excited that it looks like she’s about to wet herself, while Jamie looks puzzled as to how she is even still there.

“The first runner-up to the ultimate state title of Miss Ohio Teen USA is Tiffany Taylor of Wheelersburg. That means Jamie St. James, YOU are Miss Ohio Teen USA 2012!” The former Miss Ohio Teen places the sash and crown on Jamie’s head while she just stands there wide eyed and confused. She looks around the room confused, like she expects a camera crew to burst out and yell ‘You just got Punk’d!’

“I can’t believe she fuckin’ won.” Puck says in awe. 

“Congratulations Jamie! A new teen title holder is in the house! It’s going to be an exciting year for you Jamie, go ahead and take your first walk as Miss Ohio Teen USA 2012!” Jamie parades up and down the stage waving awkwardly at the audience in her blue and silver sheath gown.

“As you can see she is just stunned! Ha ha ha!”

“I have to call her!” Rachel bounces excitedly on the bed, snatching up her phone.

“Goose she’s kinda busy right now.” Puck points to the screen as Jamie seems to be mauled by a bunch of weepy beauty queens all trying to congratulate her at the same time.

“Oh, right. I’ll call later.” Rachel says disappointed.

“I can think of other stuff we can do right now.” Puck murmurs into Rachel’s ear as he nuzzles her neck with his nose. 

“Really? And what stuff would that be?” Rachel says coyly through her lashes.

“Sexy stuff.” Puck smirks as he pushes Rachel back against the pillows, kissing her deeply on the lips.

xXx

“You know this just plain sad.” Jamie says perched on the edge of a low lying concrete wall smoking a cigarette, her face hidden under a large wide brimmed black hat and large black sunglasses. Jesse paces back and forth outside the theatre where the nationals competition is taking place; he keeps running his hands through his hair. Jesse snaps his head up to look at her.

“You can’t smoke, you’re like twelve!” He snaps snatching the cigarette out of her mouth, stamping it out with his foot.

“I’m fifteen Jess, nice to know you know your own sister’s age.” Jamie snarks sliding her sunglasses down her nose and rolls her eyes at him. 

“You look ridiculous, like a widow in mourning.” Jesse snaps again, clearly irritated with his sister.

“I burn easily! Besides you can talk, you wear too many scarves, it makes you look gay.” Jamie bites back.

“Why are you even here? You hate show choir, and you don’t like deep dish pizza. Did you just come here to bug me?” Jesse says eyes scanning the crowds.

“I came to make sure you didn’t make an ass of yourself.” Jamie knows as soon as she’s finished speaking that Jesse has found what he’s been looking for, Rachel.

“I never make an ‘ass’ of myself.” Jesse retorts running his hand through his hair yet again. He begins to move in Rachel’s direction, Jamie jumps up from her spot grabbing her brother by the forearm stopping him from moving.

“Don’t Jess, just don’t. Rachel is finally happy, Puck makes her happy. You had your chance and you blew it, she’s moved on and so should you.” She says earnestly. Jesse looks from Jamie back over to where Rachel is standing, she’s now been joined by Puck who has wrapped his arms around her waist, kissing her gently on the mouth.

“Do you want a repeat of last year’s nationals and have Puck give you another black eye? What happened to you Jesse? You had a full ride to UCLA and now you’re here coaching a high school glee club. Where did all the dreams you had go?” Jamie says gently moving her hand from his arm to his shoulder.

“I don’t know Jae, I really don’t know. Everything’s such a mess; I have no idea who I am anymore.” Jesse sighs dejectedly, sitting down on the wall.

“We are such a mess. Jude fried out of his brain most of the time, me starving myself to death and being forced to live out mother’s dreams and you, so lost and confused with life.” Jamie says sitting down next to him, bumping her shoulder against his.

“You know I think this is the first time we’ve ever really spoken. But it doesn’t mean I’ve forgiven you for that cup cake stunt.” Jesse says with a slight smile throwing his arm around her shoulders.

“I’m not worried; I’ll never forgive you for a childhood to talent shows and calling the three of us ‘Jesse and the Saints’.”

“You were pretty good, not as good as me, but still good. Maybe next year you could lead VA.”

“Maybe Jess, maybe.” They sit and watch Puck and Rachel a few moments more, not making their presence known to the couple.

“Do you ever think we’ll have what they have?” Jesse says breaking the silence.

“Not with each other bro, I don’t roll that way.”

xXx

Puck wraps an arm around Rachel as they lie in bed in their New York apartment that they share with Kurt. He knows she’s upset but she won’t cry or say a how upset she is, Rachel is determined to be strong about it. Rachel comes home after every dance class upset about Cassandra July; the woman picks on everything from Rachel’s dancing to physical appearance. 

All Puck want to do is beat the shit out of the woman but he can’t do that because one, she’s a woman and you just don’t hit women, two, he can’t risk jail again and it won’t be juvie this time and most importantly three, Rachel would KILL him. Seriously Rachel would lecture him for hours about how violence doesn’t solve problems and how she can fight her own battles, she’s and independent woman, blah, blah, blah. He just needs to find a way to confront her without actually confronting her.

As Rachel snuggles against his chest Puck looks over and sees a photo board covered in different moments from glee and dance recitals, dates and day trips he and Rachel have taken, pictures from the Bahamas... and then his eye falls on the answer to all his problems. He quickly shoots off a text and receives a prompt reply.

xXx

From: Puck  
To: St. Psychotic  
S.O.S need u 2 smack down crazy july

~

From: St. Psychotic  
To: Puck  
U r so lucky th@ im gonna b in NYC soon, it was gonna b a surprise.

xXx

Rachel is warming up with some stretches before he dreaded dance class. She’s really not in the mood to deal with Cassie’s crazy today, she’s trying to be strong but with every class and every barb her resolve is slipping. Plus there’s Brody, who seemed so sweet at first showering her with flattering compliments but then it got grating and uncomfortable when he didn’t get that she wasn’t interested in him at all.

Cassie wonders into the room looking worse for wear, scowling at Rachel when she sees her. Rachel knows this is going to be a long and painful lesson if Cassie is hung over. She groans and changes positions for more stretching when Brody walks in. This day just can’t get any worst, Brody will flirt, Cassie will get jealous and Rachel will suffer.

She goes through the motions of the lesson, taking Cassie’s insults on the chin, dancing around Brody to avoid actual contact with him when near the end of the lesson things start to get interesting. There’s a knock at the door.

“WHAT???” Cassie screeches, one hand to her forehead, rubbing her temples with the fingertips, the other on her hip, foot tapping impatiently. Rachel lets out a small ‘Oh no’ when she sees Jamie stick her head through the door. She’s wearing her Miss Teen USA crown and sash (that she won over the summer much to the surprise of everyone) and in full beauty queen mode. 

“Don’t mind me. Madame Tibideaux said it was perfectly fine if I sat in for the end of the lesson. Just ignore me, pretend I’m not here.” Jamie says tip toeing her heels clicking against the wooden floor. Cassie’s mouth just hangs open as Jamie takes a seat on the window ledge. 

“Continue.” Jamie calls out, giving a small wave of her hand.

“Since the Princess interrupted us,” Cassie shouts sending a glair Jamie’s way.

“Take it from the top!” The class starts again, dancing in sync with Cassie walking in amongst the rows of students giving criticism here and there. 

“Schwimmer!” Cassie shouts out, moving across the room towards Rachel like a predator stalking its prey.

“Show me your jeté.” Rachel performs the move over and over again, each time Cassie harshly criticising the girl. Jamie’s blood begins to boil, she can see why Puckerman called her now, he can’t beat the shit out of the woman like she can, well she’ll do it verbally but it still counts. The class eventually wraps up and Jamie make her move.

“Hey Rae Rae!” She say overly cheerful. Rachel looks at her suspiciously.

“You know I love you Jae but why are you here? Don’t you have school?” Rachel quires, taking a swig of her water.

“Oh I just have a few days off and thought I’d come visit my bestie. See her in her element, have her show me ‘round the greatest city in the world. Aren’t you happy to see me?” Jamie asks pouting.

“Of course I’m happy you’re here! I’m just confused that’s all.” Rachel says going in for a hug.

“Did you see the sectionals video I sent you?” Jamie asks bouncing excitedly.

“Yes I’ve watched it. Your version of ‘Don’t Cha?’ was very... provocative and it was nice to see Jude having fun with ‘I Believe In A Thing Called Love’.” Rachel tries to be diplomatic about it, really did think their performance was amazing but all the bumping and grinding during The Pussycat Dolls number was a bit much for a high school show choir.

“Yeah it was better than Jesse’s first set list that included a mash up of ‘Pumped Up Kicks’ and ‘Janie’s got a gun.’ I think he may be losing it slightly.” A slight frown crossing her face as she thinks about some of her brothers more questionable musical choices.

“Seriously? That is the worst-” Rachel starts to rant when she gets cut off by an overly shiny and muscular man.

“Hey Rach, you looked great today, you’re really improving. Who’s your friend?” Brody says smoothly, exposing all his perfectly white teeth with an overly enthusiastic smile. Jamie just arches one eyebrow in Rachel’s direction.

“Jamie St. James. And you are?” Jamie says with her best pageant smile.

“Brody Western, a friend of Rachel’s. Nice crown.” This boy is slick, to slick and so charming he comes across as creepy.

“Comes with the title. Boy you are shiny, kinda like a Ken doll.” Jamie says, claws coming out. Brody looks slightly taken aback at her comment.

“Tell me living Ken, do you actually have anything going on down there,” Jamie makes a circular gesture with her hand over his crutch area.

“Or are you completely flat like your idol?” She finishes slightly snarky. Brody stares at her, wide eyed and scared. 

“I-I-I... what- um... I don’t... ahhh... what I mean... huh?” He babbles out.

“Don’t try and think too hard, you may hurt yourself.” Jamie says bitchily while Rachel bites her lip trying not to laugh.

“Who do you think you are?” The trio all turn to face and enraged Cassandra July across the now empty room.

“Interrupting my class like that. Did you set this up Schwimmer? Bringing your little friend in to throw me off.” Cassie bites out cattily as she slinks across the room. When she finally gets close enough to Jamie, the young girl sniffs the air a couple of times and a look of disgust settles on her face.

“Oh my god!” Jamie gags taking a step back from the teacher.

“You smell like my mother! Like liquor and disappointment! Gross much?” Jamie says disgusted. Nobody quite knows how to react, Brody’s eyes are darting back and forth between the women, looking as if he is preparing to run at any given moment, Cassie looks taken aback, as if no one has ever really challenged her before, while also lifting one hand up to her mouth to breathe into to check her breath and Rachel, well Rachel is in shock, when she got to class today this is not how she thought it would end.

“When Ke$ha said she brushed her teeth with a bottle of Jack I don’t think she meant for it to be taken quite so literally. Come on Rae, you have a city to show me! I wanna hit up Dean & DeLuca’s like I’m Felicity, minus the bad hair cut!” And with that Jamie marches out the door as if she owns the place. 

Puckerman so owes her for the awesome verbal smack down she just dished out. 

Rachel quickly trots out behind her leaving two very gobsmacked people behind.

xXx

Rachel thinks she must have the worst luck, Jamie just has to visit during a snow storm, meaning that she, Puck, Jamie, Kurt, Adam and now Santana since she just moved in are all trapped in the apartment. If it wasn’t snowing Kurt and Adam would be out and about and Santana would be exploring her new home so she could keep Jamie away from all of them. It’s not that she’s ashamed to be Jamie’s friend it’s just that she’s managed to keep their friendship a secret for about four years and she doesn’t think that Kurt and Santana would take to kindly to her having spent time with anyone related to Jesse or Sebastian.

The atmosphere in the apartment is tense to say the least and awkward, very awkward. Poor Adam has tried to be polite and kind to everyone in hope to break the tension but it hasn’t helped. Rachel and Puck have tried to keep Jamie away from their former glee-mates and field any questions they may have about their guest and Jamie has been eerily quiet most of the time.

“Alright, I have been quiet long enough. I have held my tongue and gone along with Berry and Puck keeping us away but who the hell are you?” Santana finally snaps over lunch, slamming her hands into the table and standing up to tower over every one.

“I told you I’m Rachel’s friend Jamie, we took dance together back in Lima.” Jamie lies smoothly.

“I call bullshit.” Santana retorts.

“If you are you who you say you are then why do you lock all your suit cases? What do you have to hide?” Santana says with a smirk thinking she has Jamie corned. 

“Oh god not this again! Santana how many times do we have to tell you that you can’t just go through our stuff?” Rachel bemoans, rolling her eyes.

“You tried to go through my stuff?” Jamie says with an eerie calmness about her. Puck swallows, shits about to go down and it is going to get ugly.

“So what? If you have nothing to hide then you don’t have to worry.” Smirk still firmly in place.

“Santana just let it go. Jamie is Rachel’s friend, if she trusts her, then I trust her.” Kurt says trying to keep the peace. The boy is smart, he can pick up on the anger practically rolling off Jamie. 

“You wanna know what’s in my case; I will show you what’s in my case.” Jamie snaps getting up from the table and stalking over to her suit case snatching it up and dragging it over to the couch.

“Jae you don’t have to do this.” Rachel protests, she really doesn’t want the two girls getting into a fight. She knows that Jamie has been really good to have not bitten Kurt and Santana’s heads off so far, she knows she doesn’t like them one bit after all her stories from glee.

“No, no, no it’s fine Rach. I’ll just show her what’s in the case; it’ll shut the bitch up.” Jamie says with false cheeriness in her voice as she rips the key off from a chain around her neck. Santana, Kurt and Adam’s jaws all drop at the girl’s sudden aggression.

“Goose, you gotta do something quick. This is about to get real ugly.” Puck murmurs into Rachel’s ear.

“I don’t know what I can do.” She hisses back. Jamie has finally gotten the case unlocked and steps back from it.

“There you go. Have a look Satan.” Santana walks over carefully to the couch followed closely but Kurt and slowly by Adam.

“You two aren’t going to come look?” Kurt asks Rachel and Puck who are still seated at the table. Puck just snorts at him.

“No because we respect people’s privacy.” Rachel says primly from her seat. 

“Whatever, don’t act like you’re better than me and Lady Hummel.” Santana says flippantly lifting up the suit case lid. Adam’s eyes go wide, Kurt lets out a small gasp and Santana delves in snatching up a particular item.

“What the hell is this?” She says holding out Jamie’s Miss Teen USA crown. Jamie just rolls her eyes.

“Do you take that thing everywhere with you?” Puck shouts from the table.

“I’m contractually obligated to as MISS TEEN USA.” Jamie says the last part loudly and directly at the trio standing over her suitcase.

“Miss Teen USA?” Kurt says quietly, eyes glued to the tiara still in Santana’s hand.

“Yes, and that is why I keep the case locked. The damn this is freaking expensive.” She snaps snatching the crown out of Santana’s hand.

“Who the hell are you?” Santana repeats wide eyed.

“I’M JAMIE ST. FUCKING JAMES!” The girl screeches clearly frustrated.

“What?

“Oh shit.”

“¿Perra decir qué?”

“I don’t know why that’s such a big deal.”

“Oh Jamie.”

“Sorry Rae Rae.” Jamie says sheepishly.

“St. James? You’re not related to...” Kurt trails off besides a fuming Santana and a confused Adam.

“Jesse? Yes he’s my older brother.” Jamie states defiantly. 

“Am I missing something?” Adam pipes up, completely confused about the situation.

“Jesse St. James is Rachel’s nasty ex boyfriend. No offence.” Kurt explains.

“None taken, Jesse’s kinda a missive dick.” She says with a shrug.

“I can’t believe you brought a St. James into our home.” Santana exclaims furiously.

“Oh please, you wanna go me? You wanna fight me? What ya gonna do? Sing ‘Hollaback Girl’ at me? Because that shit is bananas if you think you can pull of Gwen Stafani.” Jamie taunts the fiery Latina. 

“You will do no such thing! There will be no fighting in this apartment!” Rachel declares finally having enough. She gets up from the table and marches over the lounge area, a look of determination on her face.

“Jamie is my friend. I have been better friends with her longer then I have been with most of the people in this very room. So you will show her some respect.” Rachel states defiantly.

“But what about New Directions?” Kurt chips in unsure. Rachel lets out a sigh.

“We’re not in high school any more Hummel does it really matter?” Puck asks walking over and standing by Rachel’s side.

“Yes!” Hisses out Santana.

“Oh please, if you’re worried that I’ll somehow spill secrets to VA don’t panic I have a much better source of info then four people who aren’t even in New Directions anymore.” Jamie says with a snort. 

“Yeah? Who’s that then?”

“That Marley girl who collapsed at sectionals, she’s in my eating disorder support group.” Jamie’s not ashamed of her bulimia; she believes hiding it away will only make the situation worse and she is getting better.

“Jake’s girlfriend?” Rachel says looking up at Noah with big doe eyes.

“Yeah Jake’s girl.”

“Muppet voice is your brother?”

“What do ya mean Muppet voice?”

“Guys!” Santana shouts cutting off the bickering pair.

“Are we not going to address the big traitor elephant in the room?” Santana gestures between Rachel and Jamie.

“I wasn’t even in Vocal Adrenaline when you were in New Directions!” Jamie exclaims throwing her hands up in the air. 

“Look why don’t we all just sit back down, finish our lunch and talk like adults. I may have no idea what’s going on but what I’ve gathered, it can be talked out.” Adam says trying to keep the peace; poor guy has no idea of the mind field he’s walked into. The groups slowly make their way back over to the kitchen table, Santana never taking her eyes off Jamie. They all sit around in silence for a moment when finally the silence is broken.

“Well Rachel did tell me one thing.” Jamie says slowly. Kurt and Santana’s heads whip around to stare daggers at the petite girl who is trying to look a picture of innocence.

“Thanks for telling me about Dalton and the steroid scandal before it broke.” Now Santana and Kurt look completely confused, that was not what they were expecting.

“I got to prepare a lot of ‘teeny, weeny peeny’ jokes in advance.” A collective snort goes around the table.

“I never liked that Hunter anyway. When I went to visit my cousin he slapped my ass and called doll face like some bad film noir detective, then got super mad and punched a wall when I turned him down, but it kinda makes sense now that it was all ‘roid rage.” Jamie rambles off taking a bite of her salad. 

“Oh your cousin goes to Dalton? Maybe I know him, I went there too you know?” Kurt says rather chipper.

“Ya don’t say?” Jamie says smoothly. Rachel sends her a waning look not to play with fire.

“Yes, what’s his name?” Kurt prompts. Rachel violently shakes her head as discreetly as she can while Puck sends up a silent pray to any god who maybe listening, lacing his fingers with Rachel’s. 

“Sebastian Smyth. Do you know him? Maybe you know my other cousin too? Her names Harmony, she’s in some glee club with and awful name. She was the Gerber baby you know?” 

Puck is 99% sure that the so incredibly high pitched scream, that was practically silent, that Kurt let out that night is the reason all the dogs in the neighbourhood started barking at the exact same moment.

xXx

The NYADA schedule is hectic, there is always so much going on at the campus that Rachel feels like never just gets time to just sit and be. She misses Puck also; it feels like forever ago that they’ve truly gotten to be alone with each other. So it’s moments like these where she gets to curl up next to him on the couch while he watches whatever sports game happens to be on and she pretends to be interested but really she’s secretly reading her emails on her phone, she treasures most.

Rachel notices in her inbox that she has a new email from Jamie. She gossips about how Jesse forced a very reluctant Vocal Adrenaline into reviving the tradition of ‘Funkification’ with their first victims being McKinley. 

Rachel gets lost occasionally with the nicknames she has given different members of the club, for example Mike (who is apparently assisting with choreography) is ‘Moves Like Jagger’, while she calls Sam ‘Magic Mike’, see confusing. Jamie talk of Kitty (or ‘Leather Face’ as she likes to call her) and how she is just a watered down Quinn (CrayCray) with no Unholy Trinity. When Sugar (Juicy Couture) saw her she apparently did a curtsy and called her ‘Your highness’. Rachel really hates the nicknames, Jamie once called Santana ‘The Town Bike, Turned Town –’ well it started with a ‘D’, rhymed with ‘bike’ and Rachel will never repeat the word. 

She reads on that while Jesse went on a self indulgent rant VA had to wrestle Jude to the ground and pry the music stand that he was going to use to hit his brother with out of his hands, much to New Directions horror, Jesse was completely oblivious to the entire scene. Rachel is beginning to agree with Jamie about Jesse’s erratic song choices because he apparently decided that Boney M’s ‘Rasputin’ with stolen dance moves from Just Dance 2 was an acceptable song to ‘Funkify’ with. Jamie’s just glad he didn’t think to do the Harlem Shake because there is no way in hell she would do that shit. 

Rachel is reading Jamie’s rant about the ‘slushy-ing” she saw take place and how she ‘can think of a much more interesting way for a person to get someone wet and sticky’ when something at the end of the email catches her eye.

‘Can you ask Puck if he got the package I sent him yet?’ What package? Why is Jamie sending HER boyfriend packages? Determined to get to the bottom of this Rachel begins poking Puck in his side.

“Ow! Jeeze baby you gots bony fingers!” Puck cries out bending and manoeuvring around to avoid Rachel poking him.

“I have an important question to ask you Noah.” Rachel says with a most serious face. 

“Can it wait till after the game?” Puck asks hopefully.

“No. Explain this to me.” Rachel says holding her phone so close to Puck’s face it’s practically touching his nose. He takes the phone from her and reads what’s on the screen.

“Then Viagra went a funny shade of red and Pedo Bear tried to calm everyone down. This doesn’t make any sense babe.” Puck looks at Rachel confused holding the phone back out for her to take. She quickly snatched the phone back up and scrolls to the section she was actually referring too.

“Sorry,” She says rather sheepishly, handing the phone back over to her boyfriend.

“Jamie was talking about Finn and Mr. Schue. What I was referring to was this. What package Noah? Why is Jamie sending you stuff?” Rachel has her ‘don’t mess with me’ look on that Puck finds as intimidating as he find bunny rabbits scary.

“It’s a surprise Goose. Just tell her I got the package.” He says pressing a kiss to her forehead and the phone to her hand, then goes back to watching the game.

“I hate surprises.” She mumbles slouching down into the couch.

“No ya don’t.”

xXx

Rachel will relent that she really does love surprises, especially super romantic surprises. She can’t wipe the enormous smile off her face as fields’ wiz past the truck window. Puck had Jamie have his truck shipped down from Ohio so they could take a road trip for Spring break. She loves that road trips are kinds their thing and if it hadn’t been for one who knows how long it could have taken for them to find each other. 

As miles upon miles of country side fly past Rachel feels a sense of déjà vu settle over her. But then again everything out here kind of looks the same after a while. 

Puck’s been very quiet the last few miles, Rachel notices that he’s far tenser and has a light sheen of sweat on his forehead. Normally he’s singing along to the CD Jamie made for their trip or trying to convince her that road head is totally safe and then proceed to sing ‘Why Don’t We Do It On The Road’, but Puck looks almost nervous.

“You ok Noah? You don’t look so good.” Rachel asks concern lacing her voice. She presses one hand to his clammy forehead to check for any signs of fever.

“Nah I’m cool baby. Just had some bad diner food s’all.” Puck’s voice sounds all higher pitched and shaky.

“Are you sure? Because if you’re having tummy problems, you can tell me.”

“Uh, I might just pull over for a moment.” Puck says suddenly stopping the truck. Rachel looks out the side door window of the truck and sees a rusty old frame of a beat up VW and that feeling of déjà vu sets in again. Puck opens up the truck door for her and offers a hand for her to get down. She’s kind of confused as to why he chose to stop here of all places, on the side of the road with nothing around them for miles and miles except for empty fields and an old car frame.

“See the bug over there?” Puck says pointing to the remnants of the classic car.

“Of course.” Rachel has no idea where he’s going with this. She really hopes he isn’t going to tell her that he bought the shell and now wants to restore it, they live in New York they don’t have the space or money for that kind of thing.

“That’s the bug we both saw and I tried to kiss you and you tried to punch me.” It all clicks into place, why he brought her here.

“I thought it was a sign from god that he was giving me another shot with you.” He says rubbing the back of his neck looking rather awkward about his confession.

“Oh Noah.”

“So I thought I’d bring you here to show the good Lord-”

“Are you calling the car god Noah?”

“Just be quiet for a moment Goose, I’m tryin’ to be romantic here. Look as I was trying to say, I wanna show god that I took my shot with you and ran with it. You could do so much better than me but it’s me you want and I only ever want you. So Rachel Berry will you sort of, maybe, kind of like marry me and stuff? Crap I’m doing this wrong.” Puck looks as if he’s getting frustrated and angry with himself as he digs out a small velvet box containing a simple and elegant diamond engagement ring.

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” Rachel shouts with joy wrapping her arms around his neck and jumping into his arms.

“This is perfect! You’re perfect! I love you!” She says smothering his face with kisses.

xXx

“Ok everybody pipe down!” Jamie shouts into the microphone at Puck and Rachel’s packed wedding reception.

“Now some of you may know me and some of you may wish you did but I’m Jamie, Rachel’s maid of honour. And I would like to share with all of you me little gift to Puck and Rae. You may know the story of how they fell in love on a road trip from Lima to New York during their junior year of high school while heading to the show choir nationals. So I thought it was only fitting that I sing them this song.” Jamie turns and signals for the band to hit it.

“Life's like a road that you travel on.   
There's one day here and the next day gone.   
Sometimes you bend, sometimes you stand.   
Sometimes you turn your back to the wind.  
There's a world outside every darkened door.   
Where blues won't haunt you anymore.  
For the brave are free and lovers soar.   
Come ride with me to the distant shore”


End file.
